Avoid These Parental Mistakes
Parents are seldom confused about the best way to raise their children. They need to realize that they are not the only ones in this process, and there are many resources out there that can guide them through the difficult decisions while raising a child.
Parents don’t usually want to make mistakes at first. Most of the time, they depend only on their “parenting instincts” and fail to seek help for everyday parenting concerns and problems. Unfortunately, not every parent has a natural instinct for what to do in every situation they come across as parents. Each parent has their own unique way of raising their children, and the right approach for one family may not be a good idea for another. There’s no single parenting style best in all situations, but as parents, we can look to others’ experiences to see what might work better.
To guide you make lesser mistakes as parents, here are the most common mistakes you must avoid:
1. Not Attempting To Resolve Issues:
Many parents encounter not only months but also at times years of frustration coping with typical difficulties, either because they believe some problems can’t be remedied or because they are simply quick to accept them. Examples: Bedtime conflicts, temper tantrums and behaviour difficulties in older children. However, you may require assistance. Although the internet is full of advice be it via books or websites they necessary may not be useful. It’s a good idea to ask parents around you who can assist you in navigating the hurdles of parenthood.
2. Identify Serious and Non-serious Issues:
Before you can suggest remedies to an issue, you must first determine what is the exact problem. After that, if there is an issue, how serious is it?
Are the issues mentioned below serious?
Is your preschooler throwing tantrums now and then?
Is a 5 or 6-year-old ‘found’ pretending to be a doctor?
Teen starts to push his boundaries, spends more time away from his family, or seeks to be more self-sufficient?
In general, the answer is no in all three cases. These are specific, age-appropriate challenges that should be expected. On the other hand, a problem like a teen caught smoking, stealing, or cheating shouldn’t be taken lightly.
3. Expecting Unrealistic Achievements:
You can potentially cause problems if you have unreasonable and unachievable expectations of what your children should do. This sometimes occurs when parents become upset or impatient when they realise their 2-year-old neighbour’s kid is potty trained and mine is not. Or a six-year-old who is bedwetting often, or even a moody teenager. Make sure your expectations align with what your children are developmentally capable of or expected to do. No child develops skills at the same age. Some develop them fast some slow. Accepting it will not make you as a parent feel better but also avoid you throwing pressure on your little one.
4. Over-Monitoring Your Children:
If children are constantly being told what to do, how to behave, and when to perform tasks, they will feel monitored and caged. If children don’t have clear expectations regarding acceptable behaviour and limits on unacceptable behaviour, they will start to believe that they are not good children which will, in turn, demotivate them. They may also think that their parents are not giving them enough freedom to try things on their own. They need to be clear about what they are doing right and when they have failed at something. When children feel like their parents do not believe in them or trust them, they will view themselves as disappointments. As parents, we often don’t allow our children to fail at tasks and hence they miss the concept of trial and error. These little things can affect your children more than an inconsistent parenting style. You need to set aside a few tasks which are not critical for them to perform individually. In case of failure, there will be no harm caused to anyone.
5. Not Making Enough Efforts To Change Yourself:
Have you ever thought if what you’re doing is doing any good? It’s almost as bad as not trying to address problems in the first place if you don’t recognise or change your parenting tactics that aren’t working for your child. For example, you may believe that hitting your child is an effective method of discipline, but if you have to hit every day to fix the same problem or behaviour, it isn’t. Alternatively, if your child’s bedtime routine entails your child constantly getting out of bed, lasts an hour, and leaves you frustrated and exhausted the following day, you’ll need to find a new technique to assist your child is going to bed.
We recommend you not to stick to one hard-stop solution for challenges, you need to do it the trial and error way to understand which tactic works to get the best out of your children.
6. Arguing And Fighting:
We’re not talking about physically fighting with your child, but you can fight back by getting angry, yelling, or repeating yourself again and over. Fighting or arguing with your children attracts unwanted attention and gives them much control over you because they can elicit such robust responses. Fighting back will result in you “unintentionally encouraging the conduct you’re trying to curb” rather than stopping harmful habits.
Instead of fighting back, you may do better by putting an end to power struggles and adopting more effective discipline techniques, such as time-out and applying logical and natural consequences, rather than wasting time arguing before you use them.
Final Words of Advice:
Parents can make mistakes in raising their children. It’s natural to want the best for your kids, and you may do things that seem like a good idea at that particular time but have unexpected consequences in the future. It’s easy to get frustrated and feel like you’re the only one who’s having trouble with children, but knowing which mistakes are most common can help you correct them before they become habits.
The most common mistake parents make in raising children is not understanding their child’s need for independence which in turn makes them stubborn. We at Harshad Valia International School believe in a collaborative approach to handling challenges and hence it’s a good idea to communicate more effectively with children by asking them how they’d like things to run and whether or not they understand your expectations of them. Parenting a stubborn child is not impossible.